Dear BPCWA worshipper, What makes a happy marriage must be something that interests every Christian. Even those called into singlehood must know how to respond so they do not unwittingly promote the world’s ideas, often imbibed through the media and those around us, concerning marriage. Seeking marriage merely for romance or to fulfil one’s “dream” will not result in a blissful marriage because it is not based upon the biblical model of marriage. Erroneous ideas will affect God’s people and future generations, detracting us from God’s design and purpose of marriage. Bad marriages affect not just the unhappily married, but those around them. Why do people divorce? Possibly because they didn’t bother or were unwilling to reconcile with each other, or that they did not have the “happiness” they had dreamed marriage would bring to them. This is not how God designed marriages to be. God forbid that anyone in BPCWA should even remotely consider divorce . . . but prevention begins with Christians committing to follow the marriage model that God designed back in Genesis 1 and 2.

The design of marriage. God designed and intended for marriages to be very good (Ge 1:31, 2:18). However, only a marriage that follows His design can be truly blessed by Him (Ge 1:28). Adam, the husband, was delighted with the wife God chose for him (Ge 2:23). With perfect and sinless understanding before the fall, Adam expressed precisely the design that God intended, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Ge 2:24).  And this perfect design was joyfully embraced before the fall. Despite man’s fall into sin, God’s design remained unchanged. Hence, we see this design repeated multiple times in the New Testament.

The meaning of one flesh. Spiritual unity in the church is to “stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel” (Php 1:27). Applying the same principle of spiritual unity, a one flesh marriage must be one where both parties are united in spiritual unity with a oneness of purpose, priorities, and pursuits. With such a one flesh marriage, both the husband and the wife will seek only the purpose of Christ, not their own or even each other’s personal benefit. This would naturally mean that they would fulfill God’s will and God’s purpose for marriage, as well as obey God’s commands individually and as a married couple. It is a happy situation in marriage when there is agreement with each other – as long as that is in agreement with what God wants. This will then be about the spiritual good for the faith of the gospel. There is often the misunderstanding that having unity in marriage is about whether we have similar hobbies, enjoy the same kind of holidays, have the same tastes for food and clothing, or have a similar sense of humour. With such preconceived ideas, both parties enter marriage desiring to fulfill their own expectations, desires, wants, or dreams. When this is so, God’s purpose for marriage, i.e. the pursuit of spiritual objectives, will be set on the back burner while personal gratification takes priority. Even if they seem to be “one” to many, even seemingly happy because they get along so well, it is not the “one flesh” that God intended. Such “happiness” will not last when personal preferences change, conflicts crop up, challenges come, and disagreements compound. This is because there is no common basis for resolution. The commonality was based on what I like and how I want to be satisfied. Conversely, a biblical one flesh marriage is one in which both spouses genuinely would say with one voice, “For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s” (Ro 14:8).  The marriage that is “made in heaven” is one where the couple’s marriage and their individual personal Christian lives are united for the sole purpose of fulfilling and doing God’s will alone. This is the common basis for resolving all disagreements. You can thus see why a marriage with one or both parties selfishly desiring to fulfill the “for me” desire is bound for unhappiness. With unity of purpose to have a spiritually one flesh marriage, there will be agreement on how the marriage should be. God’s design of unity in purpose, priority, and pursuit with spiritual aims, instead of carnal ones, is the only way a marriage can have lasting happiness.

As Christians, all such ideas must be subservient and even disposed of in the light of what God intends marriages to be. God’s design is the only and best design for a Christian marriage. The world increasingly makes light of marriage or has redefined marriage on its own terms. Despite what the Bible teaches that “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Php 1:21) and “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God” (1Co 10:31), Christians can still have the mindset that marriage is all about themselves. God has a wonderful purpose in marriage and the happiness that He designed is only found in His blessing – a marriage that He is pleased to bless with His presence and for His use.

Happy the home when God is there, And love fills every breast;
When one their wish, and one their prayer, And one their heav’nly rest.

Yours in our Lord’s service,
Pastor